Tuesday, April 22, 2008

In Honor of Earth Day

...Because we should all respect the earth at least one day out of the year right?! Alright, so here goes my attempt to explain the April Lady way of non-disgusting compost in a way that doesn't make you feel like an idiot.

Step 1 Purchase a good small trash can (the ones that have a good seal, so as not to let your house stink like rot after weeks of compost not being taken out, even though your husband swears that he just did it and argues with you about reasons why it would just be easier if you did it anyway) and place it on your kitchen counter. So far, it's easy right?

Step 2 Make dinners from scratch using lots of fresh veggies. Be sure to check your recipe first to see if you have all of the necessary ingredients. This is very important or you could end up on the floor of your kitchen crying. Trust me! Anyway, peel, cut and place all veggie waste into the trash can. (Leave cutting board on counter for several days until you decide to cook with veggies again, then wash it.)

Step 3 After using paper goods, such as paper plates, tissues, toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, even pizza boxes, place them in the trash can as well (you can also compost items that are 100% cotton). Leave the pizza box on top of the trash can until your husband takes it outside to the real compost. Fight about it for several days while feeling overworked, unappreciated and generally irritable. Irritation Pointer... If you are upset with your husband blatantly throw something in the trash that is compostable while he is watching. Make a nasty face like a five year old and stomp away. Opposite Irritation Pointer...if you are annoyed with your wife, simply flig your soiled tissues of q-tips directly out the bathrrom window into the garden. That way your wife can pick lettuce for dinner next to ear gooped q-tips.

Step 4 Have the responsible party empty the compost into the main compost pile in the backyard. Begin with a composter from the city (free of charge), then upgrade to a hand-me-down from family, when there is no room just begin throwing your compostable "stuff" directly onto the ground. This way you won't have to walk the extra 10 steps to put it into the free or hand-me-down compost. Live this way (you know with a designated rotting pile of garbage on the back corner of your home, until you have a mobile baby; then create your own with chicken wire and poles to keep the baby from eating rotten fruit with grubs nearby.

Free of charge hand-me-down homemade

Step 5 Care for your compost pile by watering it on occasion. Take the kiddies out to watch the humming birds eat the bugs hovering over it. Place all garden clippings on compost pile as well. Turn compost around on occasion with a shovel.

Step 6 When compost is ready it will be a dark brownish/black color. Use the compost in the garden that you will painstakingly create and then later ignore while weeds run rampant until you start all over again.

Happy Composting! April


  1. Just what I need, more irritating tasks to complain about! You do make it seem doable, though. I'll think on it...

  2. What a fun explanation of the process. I'm trying to get into this but a bit baffled and grossed out too.

  3. Inside the house I use an old #10 can and it seems to hold the smell.
    Recently I drew a big flower on the lid with a sharpie, it makes me feel happy. I don't have as much compost as you though, I enjoy pre-fabbed meals with no nutritional value and few, if any, greens.