A New Crew Member?

What? What's that? Ryan's joined the crew of Jesse's Landscaping, you say? No way! No way is right! It's worse, that would make him sane. A job is job, right? No, no, he has now taken to flagging down innocent landscapers and begging them for their grass clippings and other organic goods that they have nicely loaded into the back of their trucks. He slyly gets them to follow him home as he trots next to their trucks and then then quickly pounces onto the truck, garden fork in hand and steals their goods. Poor spanish speaking guys never knew what hit them, or that this handsome spanish speaking fly-for-a-white-guy could be so persuasive. Frankly, I think they took pity on him because clearly, he is insane. And one should never be mean to someone without all their wits about them. Ah, well. Let's hope Ryan sticks to poor unassuming landscapers and stays out of landfills. Seriously, fingers crossed guys, or someday I could be sending my boys off, gloves in hand, to help out their compost crazed father at the landfill!

Rooster Runs and Leaf Leaves

LeAnn's family lives in a rural area, well, it used to be more rural. Anyway, a few years ago Darrin was telling us that he had gone on a rooster run that morning. We all looked confused at him and he began to explain. Roosters are mean. They peck and spit at you and are generally grumpus, so when you have one as a baby you keep it while it's cute and then you get rid of it. First, you choose as neighbor that you don't like, or would like to bother. Second you enlist a get away driver. Lastly, you drive by the back fence, throw the rooster overboard, and speed away in your getaway truck...this is a rooster run. Hilarious I think.

Last week, we had someone pull a Leaf Leave on us while we weren't watching. Ryan came running inside to inform me that someone had left two large bags of leaves for our compost pile. Apparently we are so geek-greened out that we are getting compost drive-by's. But, whatever, the more the merrier I guess. What's next people will leave bidets and rain barrels on our doorstep? That would be nice. Then we could scratch those two to-do's off our list.

I blockbustered Living with Ed from HGTV. It's six episodes of Ed Begley's life as an environmentalist with his wife, who does not want to be all of the time. If anyone wants to see a day in the life at the Sauer Home watch this show. I have never laughed so hard at a television show. It hit so close to home. Some of my favorite quotes so far:

"I'm making toast." grins Ed as he rides his bike to supply energy to his toaster to heat it up.

"I can never leave this man alone. Each time I come home there's a new contraption in my house."

"There's always some new monstrosity in my backyard."

"I'm all for the environment but why does everything have to be so ugly!"

"I'm surprised you haven't used a magic marker to put the numbers back on the knob." Rachelle
"That's a great idea, I'm gonna' get a marker." replies Ed.

Ed's wife Rachelle is hilarious. They fight over each new green idea Ed has. It totally reminds me of Ryan and his first attempt at a TPT greenhouse, or his many jimmy rigged contraptions that are hideous but he is so proud of. Plus, he has some good ideas we'd like to implement.

He reminds me so much of Ryan. Ed Begley was composting while in an apartment. He would save his scraps, walk to the RR tracks, dig a hole and dump them in. Doesn't this remind you of Ryan's shed full of recyclables that the City of Tempe didn't recycle at the time? Now, that's dedication, a bit crazy, but dedication none the less. He has a new book out now I'd like to get, but I'm cheap...we'll see.

Our next goal is to obtain a bidet for our master bath. We need a small diaper pail and liner and wash cloths. I think I can find all of these supplies at a cloth diaper store. We will simply use the bidet to wash, use wash cloths to dry and place in our pail to wash later. Voila! We will have the cleanest bums on the block and will not be polluting the environment with rolls and rolls of tp. Plus we won't have to buy nearly as much tp too - very cost effective, I think. I'm excited. And to irritate Helena, it will also be great for my ladies days, or post birth to keep the area clean and fresh!

In Honor of Earth Day

...Because we should all respect the earth at least one day out of the year right?! Alright, so here goes my attempt to explain the April Lady way of non-disgusting compost in a way that doesn't make you feel like an idiot.

Step 1 Purchase a good small trash can (the ones that have a good seal, so as not to let your house stink like rot after weeks of compost not being taken out, even though your husband swears that he just did it and argues with you about reasons why it would just be easier if you did it anyway) and place it on your kitchen counter. So far, it's easy right?

Step 2 Make dinners from scratch using lots of fresh veggies. Be sure to check your recipe first to see if you have all of the necessary ingredients. This is very important or you could end up on the floor of your kitchen crying. Trust me! Anyway, peel, cut and place all veggie waste into the trash can. (Leave cutting board on counter for several days until you decide to cook with veggies again, then wash it.)

Step 3 After using paper goods, such as paper plates, tissues, toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, even pizza boxes, place them in the trash can as well (you can also compost items that are 100% cotton). Leave the pizza box on top of the trash can until your husband takes it outside to the real compost. Fight about it for several days while feeling overworked, unappreciated and generally irritable. Irritation Pointer... If you are upset with your husband blatantly throw something in the trash that is compostable while he is watching. Make a nasty face like a five year old and stomp away. Opposite Irritation Pointer...if you are annoyed with your wife, simply flig your soiled tissues of q-tips directly out the bathrrom window into the garden. That way your wife can pick lettuce for dinner next to ear gooped q-tips.

Step 4 Have the responsible party empty the compost into the main compost pile in the backyard. Begin with a composter from the city (free of charge), then upgrade to a hand-me-down from family, when there is no room just begin throwing your compostable "stuff" directly onto the ground. This way you won't have to walk the extra 10 steps to put it into the free or hand-me-down compost. Live this way (you know with a designated rotting pile of garbage on the back corner of your home, until you have a mobile baby; then create your own with chicken wire and poles to keep the baby from eating rotten fruit with grubs nearby.

Free of charge hand-me-down homemade

Step 5 Care for your compost pile by watering it on occasion. Take the kiddies out to watch the humming birds eat the bugs hovering over it. Place all garden clippings on compost pile as well. Turn compost around on occasion with a shovel.

Step 6 When compost is ready it will be a dark brownish/black color. Use the compost in the garden that you will painstakingly create and then later ignore while weeds run rampant until you start all over again.

Happy Composting! April